Why We Don’t Do Birthday Parties (and What We Do Instead)

Last updated on June 23rd, 2026 at 08:34 pm

Once we had our third kid, we said no more birthday parties. It felt like a lot to ask of everyone around us, and our kids aren’t really old enough for friend parties yet. It’s pretty much entirely our adult friends, which means asking them to show up three times a year is a lot. And of course, they’ll bring presents even if we say not to.

The most we do is the grandparents if we do anything. We had a mini grandparent party for our youngest’s first birthday, but that’s all for now.

Here’s what we do instead:

Keep their birthday in the budget

I budget for each of my kids’ birthdays. I pretty much kept the same amount as if I had thrown a party. This way, we have money planned for when it comes to their birthday. For me, that just means putting a line in my cash flow, so I know how much money we’ll have that month. But you could also set up a sinking fund for your kids’ birthdays if that makes more sense budget-wise.  

Have a family adventure

Here’s the real thing. We go somewhere like the aquarium, the zoo, the children’s museum, etc. Everyone takes the day off from school, daycare, work, whatever, and we all spend time as a family somewhere fun.

The wild part is just between entrance, lunch, and gift shop (see below), I do usually end up spending the budget. That’s even while taking advantage of library passes! But it’s fine because at least I’ve budgeted for it.

Allow them to pick a gift whenever we go

We don’t usually buy gifts for our kids’ birthdays, which may sound mean, but they simply don’t need more toys, and they’re not exactly going to appreciate something practical. So, wherever we go on our family adventure, they get to pick one thing from the gift shop.

They love this anyway because they get to specifically choose, and they have fun running around the store evaluating their options.

Personally, we’d rather spend time on a family adventure than throw a party. This isn’t to say that parties are bad by any means! They can be amazing for community and keeping all of those connections. They’re a great way to meet other kids’ parents. I’m just saying that for the season of life we’re in, we’re not having birthday parties for now.

Even when they’re old enough to have friend birthday parties, we’ll give them the option of either going somewhere and doing something (maybe with a couple of friends) or having a party. If they want a birthday party, we’ll figure it out, but they might not. But while they’re young and they’d rather go to the aquarium anyway, this is what we’re doing.