6 Things I Wish I’d Known as a First-Time Mom

Last updated on June 22nd, 2025 at 03:00 pm

Now that my third son has arrived, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my first and what I wish I had done differently. Of course, all you can do is learn from your experiences, but I thought it would be good to compile some of my general tips for first-time moms, including things I wish I had known or done differently.

Don’t assume things will go to plan

The true lesson of parenthood is that you don’t have control. This goes for literally everything related to conceiving, pregnancy, birth, and parenthood in itself. You cannot control anything, and that can be a hard pill to swallow. But the earlier you learn this, the better.

You can have the most perfect birth plan ever created, and it can go out the window when you actually go into labor. Got the ideal schedule hammered out? Who knows if you’ll actually get to use it?

When it came to our third baby, we basically stopped making plans in entirety. Everything became, “we’ll have to see what happens when he comes out,” and “we’ll have to see what kind of baby he is.” Because we’ve learned that there’s no way to make real plans. We don’t have any control over whether our baby has colic, won’t sleep, or gets sick. So, we don’t bother.

We stay flexible, we expect the unexpected, and we take things one day at a time. Once you embrace the unknown, life gets a little easier.

Have a solid plan with your partner

Okay, this may seem contradictory to the last point, but you’ll see what I mean. If you have a partner, then it’s a good idea to really hammer everything out BEFORE the baby comes. Do not assume that everything will just fall into place. Work things out together, so everyone knows what their responsibilities are.

Are you going to sleep in shifts? If you’re breastfeeding, is your partner going to manage washing all the bottles and pump parts? How are you going to handle diaper changes? Who’s doing the laundry? How is going back to work going to go down? What are your individual schedules when it comes to childcare, work, and life? Who’s bringing the baby to their doctor appointments?

These are all things you should consider. Staying flexible is still the most important thing. You might need to adjust when baby gets here. But have a general plan for how you’re going to split up duties, so everything feels equal, and no one gets resentful.

Be willing to leave the house

Wow, I wish I had done this sooner. When you have your first baby, it’s so easy to become a homebody, but this can kill your mental health. If you feel like you can’t leave the house, it can be hard to get exercise and sun and run necessary errands.

This time, when my third son came, I was out and walking within the week. It helped me feel stronger and more normal. Depending on your birth, this might not be possible for you, but make it a goal to get out of the house as soon as you can, whether it’s taking a walk or going to someone else’s house. Having a pram or stroller can make this easier. It’s worth investing in those things that will help you feel more normal.

Soak up as much as you can

The key phrase here is “as much as you can.” Here’s the thing about being a first-time mom: everything is scary. You’re constantly stressed about whether you’re doing the right thing, whether you need to call the doctor, and honestly, when your next shower is going to be. Then, when people say, “Enjoy it while it lasts! It goes by so fast,” you want to scream. How are you possibly supposed to do that when everything is so hard?

The answer is to cling to moments, small and fleeting as they might be. There’s no way to enjoy parenthood literally every second, but you can cling to their smiles and laughs. You can rejoice in the first time they raise their head. You can enjoy all of those first moments that matter and relish in those minutes when they’re so cute that it feels worth it. You don’t need to be having the best time of your life, but you should be able to find joy in those small moments.

If you’re truly unable to do that and everything feels awful and hopeless, talk to your doctor. You might be dealing with postpartum depression.

You’re going to be constantly learning as you go

You can do all the research in the world before baby gets here, and there will still be so many things you won’t know. You will constantly be making mistakes and learning, and that’s okay. As long as you’re learning and staying flexible, that’s all that matters. You don’t know what you don’t know.

That being said, it’s worth listening to the experts in your life. If you’re unsure about something, always feel free to ask your doctor and push/advocate for your baby if you don’t understand. Installed your car seat and have no idea if it’s right? Schedule an appointment with a certified car seat inspector and make sure. Worried your baby isn’t meeting milestones? Talk to your doctor and/or schedule an eval with early childhood intervention. Look for verified and credentialed online experts who can talk about specific issues, like Solid Starts with baby-led weaning.

And when you make a mistake? Correct it and give yourself grace. Don’t sit around beating yourself up.

Taking care of yourself is essential

The old adage that you can’t pour from an empty cup is completely true. If you’re burned out and have nothing left to give, it’s not great for baby either. Obviously, this is easier said than done, but prioritize yourself as much as you can.

Make sure you’re eating. Prepping freezer meals during the third trimester can help with this. Don’t feel guilty about taking a few minutes to eat some food, even if they’re crying at you.

Try and get things done when they’re awake, so you can sleep as much as you can. (More tips for when baby won’t sleep here!)

Keep track of your hygiene. Make sure you’re brushing and flossing, taking showers whenever possible, and washing your face and putting on sunscreen. Not to mention, some exercise is essential. If you can’t actually get a workout in, go for a walk with them. Walking is amazing exercise that will keep you going. I’ve also seen workouts during which moms will work out with their infants, which I always thought was pretty cool.

These are the top things I’ve been thinking about lately as I reflect on what I wish I had known as a first-time mom. Above all, find the fun in life as much as possible and leave space for yourself as much as you can. You’ve got this.