How to Manage Toddler Biting and Hitting

Last updated on April 20th, 2026 at 09:22 am

A mom friend of mine recently reached out because her toddler has started to bite and hit. She was wondering if something was wrong and if this was normal. The truth is that biting and hitting happen, but they can make you feel overwhelmed. Are you doing something wrong? How can you prevent this behavior? Is your kid doomed to lash out forever? Luckily, there are a few ways to manage it when your kid is biting and hitting.

Determine why they’re biting and hitting

Kids bite and hit for a few different reasons, and before really picking a strategy, you’ll need to figure out what they’re looking for. For example, is it because they’re mad or because they’re looking for attention from you? My toddler used to bite when he was looking for affection and closeness, which might sound strange, but it’s true. My friend’s toddler bites her when he wants attention, like when she’s washing dishes or trying to take a shower. This means he’s probably biting and hitting for a mixture of affection and attention, but you still need to manage the behavior.

Stay as regulated as possible

I know. Easier said than done, especially since you’re reacting to pain on top of an emotional situation. But here’s the thing: if you escalate, then they escalate. The more dysregulated you are, the more dysregulated they are. They feed off your energy. This means that you have to keep calm. When they’re biting and hitting, take a deep breath. Remember that they’re little and still learning how to regulate themselves. Remember that they rely on you to learn these things. So, don’t raise your voice. Keep it steady and calm, even if you’re raging inside. You’ll probably slip up every once in a while. It happens. Just keep trying.

Communicate expectations

So, this could be a little tricky. If your toddler is having a full-on meltdown, then the language part of their brain has basically shut down, and there’s no point in trying to verbally communicate until they’re calmed down. That being said, if they’re older and calmer, you can try a warning. Something along the lines of, “We need to have a safe body. If we can’t be safe, Mommy can’t play with you.”

If they’re looking for affection, you can adjust the language to say something like, “We don’t bite. Do you want a hug instead?”

If the behavior continues, you move on to the next step.

Remove yourself or the toddler

This might sound mean, but it creates a boundary that’s important. Do not let your toddler hit or bite you. Unless you’re in a public place (in which case I recommend simply picking them up and removing them from the situation), then you should back up. Stand away from your toddler and recommunicate, “We don’t bite or hit. We have to be safe, or Mommy won’t play with you.” Alternatively, you can also say something like, “I see you’re upset, but we don’t bite or hit. We need a safe body. Mommy needs to wash dishes. Once I’m done, we can play.”  

They’ll probably get upset when you remove yourself from the situation, but it reinforces that boundary and show them that the behavior is unacceptable. It’s the natural consequences of their biting and hitting. Natural consequences are what we’re going for.

Give them a safe alternative

This should mirror what the behavior is. If they’re biting, they make toddler and kid teethers. My kids like this vibrating teether called a Z-Vibe. It was recommended to me by our OT.

When they’re hitting, a good option is something like a drum or maybe even slapping some water in the bath. Communicate the expectation with something like, “I see you’re frustrated, but we don’t hit people. If you want to hit something, you can bang on this drum or this pillow.” Show them and do it with them, even. Demonstrate how you get your frustration out. Stomping is another good option. We’re upset. Let’s jump and stomp around. The key is to give them an appropriate activity.

You want to give them something else to do with their feelings that’s better than physically lashing out. We’re teaching them healthy ways to deal with their anger and frustration. Once they’re calm, you can then offer things like hugs and reiterate your point. It’s this that really stops the hitting and biting. Teaching them to manage their emotions is the long-term solution.

Remember that this is going to take time

As with most toddler-related things, this is going to get better before it gets worse. Their behavior is going to escalate as you continue to set boundaries. The thing is that they need boundaries. Toddlers thrive with boundaries, but they resist them at first. Their getting worse does not mean you’re not doing it right. It just means they’re adjusting to the boundaries you are setting. This is typical. Keep going. Keep trying.

Some quick tips

Pro-tip: If you’re in public and your toddler is losing it, unfortunately, the best option is to physically pick them up and remove them from the situation. Take them out of the store, out of the restaurant, out of the park. If that option isn’t viable, you’ll need to try your best to make them feel safe.

Grab their hands, and don’t let them hit you. Stay calm and silent (remember, their language center has shut down). You’ll just kind of need to deal with the embarrassment and wait it out a bit. As they come down, you can start to talk to them and reiterate expectations. You can also tell them what’s happening, such as “Mommy needs to get a couple more items, and then we’ll leave the store, okay?”

Pro-tip: If your kid is biting you, try to remember to push into their mouth rather than pulling out. Our instinct is to pull out because it hurts, but pushing in gently causes them to release and leaves less of a mark.  

You’ve got this.